So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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