I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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