Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
