yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
