Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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