so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
