You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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