WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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