So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
