You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
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She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
