So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
