I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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