Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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