have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
