Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
