As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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