Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
