So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
