I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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