so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
