Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
