dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
