I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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