kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
