Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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