so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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