hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I didn't notice because vodka
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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