Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
