I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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