Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
how drunk are you?
Several
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize