walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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