wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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