hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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