Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
