Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The feeling are messing with the penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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