So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
