i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
