I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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