Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
