Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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