she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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