Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
