I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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