omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My feet surprised me
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