just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
