Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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