he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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