What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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