its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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