so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
