I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
