there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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