She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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