Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
