garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
