apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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