are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
