I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he puts the penis in happiness.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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