The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
