Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
