about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
