Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Found the puke drawer
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
